On hiatus for the summer months June through August, 2011 while building a business around the book “The Feminine Light” and I hope to return to you soon. Have a lovely summer!

SLY

Three trials endure the heart to be moved and from that place the test of love can be experienced and integrity seen as true. What are these tests? These trials can be experienced in any order and they are:

The trial of facing challenges together. The trial of acceptance. And the trial of joy.

No matter which test a relationship begins with, it is important that all three trials are experienced as the foundation of true love. The question of integrity is presented at each trial to reveal the truth of the relationship’s strength. Some relationships begin with facing challenges, while others begin with the connection of joy or even acceptance and friendship. However the relationship begins, the growth cycle of the relationship will eventually move through each of these trials. Some relationships only move through one cycle however short or long that cycle is lived to reveal a new cycle. When that new cycle begins, a choice to continue in that cycle is presented to both individuals. Sometimes the relationship ends, sometimes it is possible to make a commitment to each other to grow into that next phase. Sometimes the pressures of that next phase show the importance of separating and honoring each other in the need for individual growth and soul evolution. What determines the type of connection you have with another is predicated on your own requirements for your own joy. As a woman, your joy is paramount to your spirit’s health and the health of the world. (See the book “The Feminine Light” for more information as well as the questions regarding your Joy in the  Feature April, 2011 as well as the Feature November, 2009 for turning darkness into light.) Some relationships are only meant to be experienced to help you live through a certain cycle and others are more enduring. The type of relationship to be experienced is the type of relationship that speaks to your soul. What your soul requires is the unfolding of your own growth and how you experience the relationships in your life mirrors the journey of your soul. For some people, growth requires transitions in relationships, for others a long lasting commitment can be made based upon the recognition of love. What type of relationship does your soul require? How can you recognize a deeper love? The three trials of love can help you to access the relationship you are in as well as honor who you are in that relationship.

The trial of facing challenges together is a challenge when faced is the strongest connection in a relationship, keeping each other safe. The challenges that bind people together have the ability to reveal a supportive love that is immense. Whatever the challenge whether financial, physical, emotional, social, spiritual or mental, or many times all together, this challenge is a recognition of the strength and durability of the relationship.

What challenges has your relationship faced?

How has your relationship dealt with these challenges?

What was your contribution?

What was your partner’s contribution?

How has your relationship come out on the other side of the challenges?

How do you love one another?

The trial of acceptance reveals the true nature of one another’s sense of humanity. This trial teaches about the excesses of pride and our ability to be self-accepting as men and women. Often times, this trial is the most revealing in terms of one’s true nature as the excesses of pride can threaten the very existence of a relationship, one to be built upon mutual love and respect. Sometimes it is necessary for one’s soul growth to rightly claim one’s pride. To be able to build one’s self-esteem is congruent with the importance with the unfolding of life. At this time, a relationship can undergo many hardships as each other cries for growth. Sometimes, it is only one person in the relationship that experiences a need for something more. How you are during this cycle of acceptance allows you to understand the need for your own self-love. This challenge is a recognition of mutual respect and value as human beings no matter who you are in your essential selves as well as man and woman.

Do you accept and respect yourself as a woman?

Do you accept and respect the man in your life?

Do you experience respect as a woman in your relationship?

How does he show you that he loves and values you?

Can you give yourself permission to grow, evolve and change?

How can you allow the other to grow without feeling threatened?

What is it about your relationship that enables you to make a commitment to one another’s growth?

Can you remain together at this time or do you feel the need to separate?

How can you honor each other during this cycle of a relationship?

How do each of you show appreciation of one another’s value?

Is that working?

How can it be better for both of you?

What does that tell you about your relationship?

The trial of joy can be the most fun, but as well potentially the most damaging. It is easy to become a “victim” of the innocence of joy. The soul is attracted to joy, to the experience of pleasure and the illusion of fulfillment. For in this cycle, the challenge must be made conscious if the relationship is to survive. To understand the nature of a relationship requires a unique blend of both feeling and thoughtfulness. Feeling is a result of the type of connection experienced between people and thoughtfulness is the explicit awareness of the types of exchange of love. It is here that true fulfillment or the illusion of fulfillment becomes apparent. Any fall from joy or a sense of fulfillment or the recognition of worth, from whatever heights, is the loss of love and as such effects for both women and men. For some this can be devastating, while for others the effects are experienced more casually. The determining factor for how these effects will be experienced, is not only the depth of connection toward one another, but as well the investment toward fulfillment each other has for the other. With the loss of joy often times equating to the loss of love, managing well in this cycle requires the recognition of joy as paramount for the relationship to survive. Joy can be seen in any number of ways, for men it is often times the need to be sexual to maintain a connection to the source of the woman through play and sexual activities. And as well, activities that allow him to relax and have fun. For the woman, joy is often the experience of moving toward her own self-fulfillment. In receiving support toward her fulfillment, her own sense of value, she can experience joy. This is why it is key to “know thyself”. Without a conscious understanding of how you want to be fulfilled through the relationship, unconsciousness is the creation of  illusion, the very hotbed of  broken dreams and a sense of being “victimized”. On the other hand, promises made clearly with integrity once acted upon from a place of consciousness create a space for the the relationship to flourish in joy. This challenge is a recognition of depth and desire.

What is your joy, your sense of fulfillment?

What joy brings you together?

What joy is felt to be missing?

What do you receive for the expression of your joy?

What brings out your joy?

Can you let the man experience his joy without recrimination?

Do you support a man’s joy?

Do you feel your joy is gratifying?

If not, what do you feel you need to feel more gratified?

Is this missing sense of gratification due to your own lack of self-awareness or is it because you are not receiving something?

What do you need to be more aware of for yourself or what do you need to receive?

How will claiming your joy affect your relationship?

What pros and cons must you weigh in order to claim your joy?

What type of joy is your highest priority?

What structure defines and contains safely your relationship of joy?

Is it working for both of you?

Relationships to be healthy must be built upon trust, yet, innocence is not an excuse for the absence of wisdom except in our youth. Innocence may be the basis behind an emotional connection and better yet if it is, however, the exchange of energies and love between a man and woman is best structured whether in a marriage, an arrangement, an offering through courtship or even simply respect at work. A sense of “victimization” takes place when one or the other feels somehow short-changed in the relationship. The value first given and wanted is no longer appreciated. That does not mean the value is not there, but solely that either person is no longer satisfied with what is and wants more. Sometimes a relationship is meant to experience and appreciate all the three trials of love through their lives together, while at other times a relationship is only meant to live in love for the duration of the test. How is trust built in a relationship particularly when the integrity of the person or situation is questionable, yet we are called to live in that relationship? Trust is built by honoring ourselves with integrity and by becoming conscious of the choices we have made whether for better or worse in the realizations of our own illusions and falls from love or in the fulfillment of ourselves. What does your man give to you and want to give to you? Is that fulfilling? Trust in the relationship is built in time and through the three trials of love. The test of love… knowing thyself, one’s value and sharing yourself, your love, with others who appreciate the value of who you are, your love and joy.

May all your lessons in self-knowledge keep you safe and happy in the unfolding of your life and love…

SLY

IF YOU’D LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR WEBSITE, YOU CAN! Simply include this complete statement when you post this article: “Written by DaVincisMuse.com… A Lifestyle of Creative Purpose and Worth: The Ultimate Resource for the New Renaissance Woman. Join our mailing list at www.DaVincisMuse.com.com for the vision of womanhood unfolding. As well, we promise to never sell, rent, trade, or share your e-mail with any organization. ”

I recently had eye surgery and I was contemplating how women view their worlds. After a few weeks of recovery, I was watching a program about the photography of Joey Lawrence shooting in Africa and as I did, I was looking at the women in their communities/tribes and wondering if they were content… Aside from cultural and collective differences, needs and desires, as well as pending threats of war… how did these women experience their lives? Were they content? Were they happy? Did they want anything more from their lives? And if so, what would it be?

So it got me thinking… if we as women were all happy in our everyday lives, and when I say that, I mean if we were in relationships where ideally we were taken care of and we felt accountable for our own lives as women and safe as well as experiencing the joy of expressing out talents and abilities…. what would we want to say as women?

A few questions for you…If you felt safe and happy in a world of your own making…

What would that world be?

Who would you be in that world as a woman?

What would you want to say as a woman?

What would you want to say for women collectively?

What is important to you to express?

How would you choose to spend your days?

What is meaningful to you?

What brings joy to you?

What is your happiness?

And what do you like to receive in support of your happiness?

How content are you in your life?

What do you feel you want or need to be content?

For all women, like all people,  we look at the world through our own eyes. How can we see better through the eyes of others? What determines our connectedness? What if we were to gather a global vision for women that would support all women in being safe and happy, what would that look like? What part would you like to play?

Please leave your comments at the end of the post…

SLY

IF YOU’D LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR WEBSITE, YOU CAN! Simply include this complete statement when you post this article: “Written by DaVincisMuse.com… A Lifestyle of Creative Purpose and Worth: The Ultimate Resource for the New Renaissance Woman. Join our mailing list at www.DaVincisMuse.com.com for the vision of womanhood unfolding. As well, we promise to never sell, rent, trade, or share your e-mail with any organization. ”

Let’s look at who you are as a woman and your gender work issues. To get to know yourself better, take a sheet of paper and fill out the following questions or just copy the questions to a word processing document, you may even want to verbally record your answers.

A.  Are you an entrepreneur? Do you work independently or in an office? What kind of work do you do or want to do? Do you have a particular talent, ability or vision that you want to manifest in your life that is who you are?

B. What are your talents, abilities that you express or would like to express?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

C. Do you have a vision that you want to manifest? What is the vision?

D. Are you a woman who is single, has a significant other or is married?

Circle:

S          SO            M

IF SINGLE:

A. If you are single, what challenges do you face with men in expressing yourself through your work?

B. For you, is the workplace a potential dating pool or is it a commitment to who you know yourself to be?

C. If it is a dating pool, what are your expectations? What would you most like in your life?

D. If the workplace is a commitment to who you are, what are you saying about yourself?

E. Do you see the workplace as a commitment to yourself which gives you a  sense of worth? Is it important to your self-esteem? If you did not have your work, would your self-esteem flounder?

F. What does your work mean to you? What is it’s significance to your life?

G. Do you see your work as as an expression of a conviction? If so, what is this conviction?

H. Do you see this work as a commitment to a conviction as well as a potential opportunity to meet as well as establish a relationship? Primarily, what kind of relationship would you like to establish?

Circle:

Is it:  A fling?  Specifically a relationship about learning lessons with regard to who you are as a human being, as a woman and/or your value?   A relationship to help you make ends meet or assist you in achieving your desires? A relationship to create children?  A relationship to establish a long-term commitment to one another?

I. Would you like to be in a mutually beneficial relationship built upon love? Do you value yourself as a woman? What qualities do you value about yourself as a woman?

J. How do you see the potential for a relationship? For all of the above types of relationships, for you to be attracted:

POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONNAIRE

What kind of man would you want him to be for himself? List nine qualities, he must have for himself:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

What are the qualities that you would want to receive from him? List six of those qualities that would support your spirit:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

What is the “us” you ideally envision creating?

1.

IF HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

A. If you have a significant other, what challenges with men do you face in the workplace?

B. Do you feel safe and happy in your relationship? Does this relationship allow you the freedom to flirt with other men? Are you looking to change partners?

C. How does being in a steady relationship influence your behavior at work? Would you be this way at work if you were not in a steady relationship? Describe how you express what you want through work:

D. For those who see the workplace as more of a way to meet a potential mate that satisfies who you are as a woman even while having a significant other, what is it about your current relationship that does not meet your desires in the Potential Relationship Questionnaire above?

E. What do you appreciate about the relationship? Do you respect your significant other for what he brings to the table?  What does he bring to the table? Can you honor being in the relationship with its limitations? Can you find the joy in the relationship? Is that joy enough for you?

F.  Is there a mutual understanding and reciprocal desire to be together for the duration?  In the future, do you plan to make a commitment to this person? What is the time investment you will take with this person to determine if he is the one for you? Have you already decided? What would you need to know about him for you to make a decision of commitment to be with him?

G. If there is not a commitment, what responsibilities do you take for transitional relationships? What is the win-win aspect of accepted value that the relationship holds until it changes? Will there be any “victims”? Will you be a “victim”? Are there any spoken agreements that mutually respect each other? Or is this a relationship that is to teach you something in particular? What is it that you would like to learn?

H. If you have any challenges with men in your workplace, what would you like to learn from these challenges?

I. How ideally would you like to express yourself? What needs are you wanting to meet? What do these needs say about your self-esteem as a woman?

J. How would you like to be supported in being a woman? What does that mean to you?

K. Do you have a vision in terms of how you would like to “mother” the world? What is that vision?

IF MARRIED OR IN AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP:

A. By choice, if you did not have to, would you want to work outside of your relationship?

Circle:

Yes or No

B. Are you working outside of the relationship?

Yes or No

C. Is it by choice?

Yes or No

D. If the answer is yes that you are working, is your work fulfilling? And if so how?

E. If not, in what ways is it not fulfilling?

F. What challenges with men do you face in the workplace?

G. Is your self-esteem as a woman affected by these challenges?  If so how?

H. Do you respect men in their need to establish their worth?

Yes or No

I. Do you feel more joyful and bountiful in your relationship? And want to joyfully contribute your joy?

Yes or No

J. Do you feel fulfilled and valued as a woman in your relationship?

If not, how not?

K. Do you take responsibility for your joy? How could you feel fulfilled and valued in your relationship? What would you like? What do you need to become more joyful?

L. Are you willing to accept the limitations of your joy? Is there an agreement to keep each other safe and happy in the relationship fostering commitment and growth over the mutual appreciation and extension of each others’ happiness?

Yes or No

M. If not, can you alter that agreement to include more joy? For you, what would that agreement look like? What would that agreement look like for him?

For you:

For him:

N. How do you feel valued in your relationship?

O. How do you value yourself in the relationship?

P. In the relationship, how would you like to value yourself or be valued more? What would be that experience? What would you like? How would it feel?

Q. Are you content with your relationship?

Yes or No

R. If not, what needs to be changed? How are you going to change it?

S. If yes, how do you express your contentment?

T. How would your life be fulfilling and complete for yourself?

U. How would you like to be remembered?

Gender work issues reveal not only who we are,  but how we see ourselves to be. The “being” woman in the workplace can often have many different types of challenges depending on the level of mutual respect that both women and men have for each other.  The ability to respect oneself as either a woman or man is the first step toward self-ownership and gives us the awareness of sharing our lives communally. From this awareness, the seeds to make possible an appreciation of humanity are grown. What do gender work issues reveal about you?

Love to hear your responses!

SLY

IF YOU’D LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR WEBSITE, YOU CAN! Simply include this complete statement when you post this article: “Written by DaVincisMuse.com… A Lifestyle of Creative Purpose and Worth: The Ultimate Resource for the New Renaissance Woman. Join our mailing list at www.DaVincisMuse.com.com for the vision of womanhood unfolding. As well, we promise to never sell, rent, trade, or share your e-mail with any organization. ”